Handling Friend with Benefits

No string attach, fuck buddy, fuckmate or Friends with benefits. Whatever you called it, It is one of the most pleasurable and fun thing to do. Pero  isa lang ang alam ko. It is a very complicated relationship between two or maybe more people

.

Having friend with benefits is not just sex or an excuse to have free sex. It is just like other relationship but without the love emotions. Just like other commitments, it has its own rules that need to be followed. You need to respect your partner at all time and do something different aside from sex.

It is not like “one night stand” where you can dump your partner after you have satisfied your sexual desire.  Kailangan mong alagaan ito, kung gusto mong tumagal ang ganitong life style. The good thing is “One night Stand” can lead to “Friends with benefits”.

If you are planning to engage into one or already in this type of a relationship but having a hard time handling it. Here is my advice on how to handle this type relationship.

Well, madaming tao, kadalasan ay lalaki, ang nag aakala na simple lang mag karoon ng fubu. Kadalasan akala nila puro sex, sex at sex lang ito. Kaya tuloy di ito tumatagal or madalas nasisira yung pag kakaibigan ng dalawa.

First thing you need to do, is know your potential partner or your current partner (if your already have one).  Kailangan honest ka sa potential partner mo, wag mo syang bolahin, ligawan or paasahin ng pagmamahal dahil masasaktan mo lang sya. Tell her what you really like and wanted to do.  Dapat alam mo rin kung ok lang ba sa kanya ang ganoong relation. Kung sa palagay mo ay di sya pwede sa ganitong klase ng relasyon. I suggest na wag mo ito ituloy.

• Para sa mga lalaki, stay away from kids or young girls because they are so emotional and idealistic sa relationships. Most of the young ones still have a fantasy of “happily ever after” fairytales. Even how sexually active they are, they still wanted to find “Mr. Right”.

• Same with girls, try to avoid young boys because puro sex lang ang mangyayari sa inyo yan. If you want to have a good sexmate that you can go out with, refrain from boylets or totoys.

I suggest that you find a partner with stable job and already have a lot of experience both in sex and relationship.

Set some rules and regulations! Di porket “friends with benefits” lang kayo ay pwede mo nang gawin lahat ng gusto mo. Like having sex with other people, kasi di naman kayo mag jowa talaga. You need to know kung okay lang ba sa ka partner mo ang ganoong set up. You need to write down some do’s and don’ts. Then create consequences if one of you breaks the rules.  Here are some tips and advices.

Honesty – we need to be honest and open at all time. If you like someone else or dating others or already in a relationship, you need to inform your partner. Importante ito para maiwasan yung di magandang sitwasyon. Kailangan ding sabihin kung sawa kana sa ginagawa nyo at kung gusto mo na itigil ang relasyon ninyo.

Pag dating sa sex kailangan honest ka sa gusto mong gawin. Halimbawa: sex position, dapat honest ka kung gusto mo ba yung ganoong position o kung nahihiya ka o hindi mo kaya. Dapat honest ka rin kung nag oorgasm kaba or satisfy kaba sa sex. Kaya ka nga pumayag dito dahil nasasarapan ka sa sex, diba?

Be open minded –  madaming mga lalaki ang gumagamit ng salitang “open minded” para malaman kung pwede ba makasex yung babae or kung may landi ba yung babae. Pero hindi nila alam ang tunay na ibig sabihin ng salitang ito. Kadalasan akala nila parehas lang ang salitang “Liberarted” sa “Open minded” pero malaki ang pinag kaiba nito.

Open minded means you accept the opinion and lifestyle of other people but not necessarily doing it yourself or you will do it also.

Importante na open minded ang bawat isa kung gusto mong maging maayos o tumagal ang relasyon nyo. Kailangan bukas ang isip ng bawat isa at tangap na for sex lang ang relation nyo and maaring hindi tumagal. Dahil maaring mahulog ang isa sa iba o mag sawa sa isat-isa. Dapat tangap nyo rin ang kahinaan at kapangitan ng bawat isa dahil wala naman perpekto sa mundo.

Kailangan Open minded ka rin sa mga suggestion ng kapartner mo pag dating sa sex. Halimbawa different sexual position, threesome or orgy. Hindi ko sinasabi na dapat pumayag ka sa gusto ng kapartner mo. Pero dapat bukas ang isip mo na suggestions.

Know your limitations - kailangan na alam mo kung hanggang san lang ang pwede nyong gawin.  Hindi kayo mag jowa na pwede mong pakielaman lahat ng ginagawa sa buhay. Halimbawa: Wag mo syang pipigilang mag yosi o uminom, dahil concern ka at gusto mo syang mag bago. Wag mo rin syang I prepressure na makipag hiwalay sa current relationship nya kung meron syang iba. Dapat sa simula palang alam mo na yun at tangap mo na pang kasiyahan ka lang. wag masyadong demanding, lalo na pag di talaga pwedeng gawin. Maari kang mag suggest pero wag ka mag inarte na parang nanay nya or asawa nya.

Respect –  tulad ng nasa number 3 kailanga i-respeto mo ang kapartner mo lalo na kung magkasama lang kayo sa trabaho or school. Hindi porket nag sesex kayo ay pwede mo nalang ipagkalat sa buong campus or work place na may nang yayari sa inyo. Tandaan na hindi ito normal na relasyon at madaming tao ang mang huhusga sa inyo kapag ito ay kumalat. Kailangan din i-respeto ang dessyon ng iyong kapartner. Lalo na kapag gusto na nyang itigil ang ginagawa.

Pag dating sa sex, wag mong ipilit kung ayaw nyang gawin. hindi lahat ng tao ay kasing libog mo o kaparehas mo ng gusto. Wag mo syang piliting makipag sex sa loob ng sinehan or kung saan saan lang, kung hindi sya comfortable na gawin yun. i-respeto din ang desisyon ng kapartner kung away muna makipag sex lalo na pag wala sya sa mood o meron syang dalaw. Ganon din kung gusto ng kapartner mo na gumamit ng proteksyon. Remember “No” means “No”.

Ngayon alam mo na yung mga mahahalagang bagay, pwede kayong gumawa ng rules and regulations kung paano tatakbo ang kakaibang relationship ninyo. Hindi ito requirements pero mas magiging maayos kayo kung meron kayo nito. Hindi rin ito fixed so pwede nyo itong baguhin, depende sa inyo ng kapartner mo at kung ano yung magiging effective sa inyo. It is very important that both sides agrees to the terms and condition before engaging into it.  This is our rules and regulation of my previous Fubu.

Example rules for having friends with benefit:

1. Open communication – dapat open kayo sa isat isa.
2. Don’t be so emotional – to all the girls out there, please don’t be so emotional. It’s okay na mag open sa nararamdaman pero wag to the point na parang si papa jock ang kausap mo. Please set your emotions aside and have fun.
3. Do something else aside sex – Watch movies, play games, dine out, Inuman. That is the reason why there is a word “Friends” in “Friends with benefits”.
4. Only have sex during safe weeks – ayaw nyo naman siguro mabuntis or may mabuntis ng wala sa oras, diba?
5. Do not have sex with others - this is a form of respect sa kapartner mo and if you are not wearing any protections. Please refrain from multi-partner sex muna.
6. Tell if you wanted to stop  - kung sawa kana at ayaw mo na, itigil na!
7. Do not fall in love – it is simple, You like your partner but not to the extent of lovng or wanting him or her to be your life time partner. You enjoy having sex and you know that it will be complicated. Pag nailove ka at di yun yung nararamdaman nya sayo, ikaw ang talo.

After you’ve set your rules and regulations, you can now enjoy everything this relation can offer. I am not saying that this is the best rules or best practice. You can add some more or just do what you wanted. It is up you and your partner. I have tested this practice before and it works for us. We were been in this relationship for 2 years and have ended the sexcaped peacefully with no fuss and other complication. I am glad to say that we are still good friends after the end game.

Pwede rin naman walang rules, just sex. But I assure you that there will be a lot of complications and problems. Ang pinaka kalaban nyo kasi dito ay yung nasa last rule ko “Falling in love with your sexmate”. Okay lang kung parehas kayong na inlove then you can bring your relationship to the next level. But what if the feeling is not the same? What if yung kapartner mo ay meron pang iba aside sayo at may sakit pala yun? ang the worst is. What if nabuntis ka or may nabuntis ka? If you have rules and standards at least you know what to do if ever bad things happened. And mas less yung pain na mararamdaman mo if you found out that your partner is not following the rules kasi di ka naman inlove, diba?

As I have said awhile ago, having a friend with benefits is fun. Especially if you are the type of a person who is tired on going into relationship or don’t want to be in a relationship but want to have and enjoy sex.  You just need to know how to handle it so it will last longer. Enjoy!!

Next time I will try to tell you how to get one…